Carrie 2013: An Elegy

I watched Kimberly Peirce’s remake of Carrie over the weekend. My reaction is best expressed through poem.

Carrie, Carrie

Quite Contrary

You ruled in ’76

Then some big director

tried to resurrect her

and it sucked a big bag of dicks

Sue and Kris were a great big miss

but Ms. Moore brought light to Ms. White

If you want a good gore fest

with Chloe Grace Moretz

stick to Kick Ass for a great fight

Sissy, sissy, we love you missy

and I even prefer the old mom

Your telekinesis scared us to pieces

and we’d much rather watch you at the prom!

I mean honestly, which image is more disturbing? CGM looks like she just got soaked while standing on the sidewalk by a drive by trucker who ran over a pond of pigs blood. Sissy Spacek looks like she’s about to CUT A BITCH!

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