Su-Su-Spiria

It’s true: I’ve been singing Su-Su-Spiria to the tune of Sussudio for the last few days. It’s so damn catchy, and a fun reminder of American Psycho. That’s never a bad thing.

But that’s not what we’re here to discuss. I am PUMPED to see the new Suspiria TONIGHT! Why do I feel like this movie has flown a little bit under the radar? Have promotional efforts been overshadowed by the new Halloween? Do not enough people love the original? Is it because it was released after October 31st? Whatever the reason, nothing has deterred my enthusiasm.

Like most people, I try to avoid hype. It ruined Shutter Island and The Strangers for me. Hype sucks. Unfortunately, I couldn’t avoid the initial reactions to Suspiria from attendees of Fantastic Fest. EW called the audience reactions “orgasmic”. Will it actually be a decent remake? I’m cautiously optimistic and going into the film with an open mind and no expectations. I will update this post later tonight with my usual bite-sized review.

UPDATE 11/9/18: The Review:

I was ambitious in stating I would have a review of Suspiria posted on the same night I saw it. It is a HEAVY movie. It felt like eating a six course meal with wine pairings. Like a giant, ostentatious necklace worn over a dress made of drapery fabric. I needed time to digest it. My immediate reaction was that Tilda Swinton is outstanding (in both of her roles!) The set design and costumes are spectacular. As I was watching I felt immersed in the set, like I was in the dance academy building. Like the original, this version felt like watching a dream. Unlike the original, it is not vivid. At all. It’s bleak the whole way through. And girl, it’s pretentious. This movie screams that it went to NYU and had life changing experiences while studying abroad. That’s okay – I can overlook pretentiousness if there’s substance.

The dance sequences are dazzling, but I know jack shit about dance technique and they could very well suck to a trained eye. I have NO idea how the Holocaust or other references to political terrorism ties into this story, and the final scene still confuses me. Why does this Suspiria have to live in a world that’s bigger than it? I’m not sure, but it’s why the movie is 153 minutes long. The feminist in me loves that men exist in Suspiria exclusively to be fucked with. That’s awesome. If you haven’t seen it yet, stop reading. Now. If you have seen it, then I know you loved the cameo by Jessica Harper! That was a fun little surprise, and she was wonderful. I’m not exactly sure if I liked Suspiria or not, but I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s meaty, gaudy, beautiful, and douchey. I’ll be sitting with this one for a while, and may update this review periodically haha.

See Suspiria (1977) On the Big Screen With GOBLIN Perfoming Live Soundtrack!

If you live in Richmond, VA and you have never seen the original Suspiria, you have the perfect opportunity to see it on the big screen at the legendary Byrd Theater on December 7th. Need an incentive? Mother. Fucking. GOBLIN. will be at this screening PLAYING THE SOUNDTRACK TO THE MOVIE (Read: this is a big deal). Get your tickets HERE before they sell out.

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31 Nights of Horror VII, Night 31: Trick ‘r Treat

UNLucky year 7 has officially ended! But let me be honest, it WAS a lucky October indeed! I saw my brother and his family in Charleston, SC where I also got to see a badass Halloween mural and explore Boone Hall Fright Nights. I stood with one of my best gal pals as she married the love of her life in Louisville. I hosted the best Witches Night Out to date with my best buds. I got to be a guest on the second best podcast in Richmond!! It’s been a frightfully fun October!

As always we end with Trick ‘r Treat. This year’s post is dedicated to Anna Paquin, our favorite little red riding hood werewolf (the irony is not lost on me). She got to lose her werewolf virginity by devouring a dumbass who attacker her in an alley. HOW BOUT DAT TOWN HALLOWEEN STREET PARTY THO.

31 Nights of Horror VII, Night 30: Pieces

31 Nights of Horror VII, Night 30: Pieces

Three sentence review:

If you’ve been following this year’s 31 Nights of Horror closely you may have rightly suspected that I watched the shit out of Joe Bob Brigg’s “The Last Drive In”. Pieces was shown during the event but I swear I watched it for the first time just a couple weeks before “The Last Drive In” aired, and was so excited when I got to watch it again. The movie is insane (random Kung fu?!) but the gore is great and the ending gives Sleepaway Camp a run for its money.

31 Nights of Horror VII, Night 29: Therapy

It’s French, it’s low budget, it’s found-footage style, and it’s not bad. Masks, creepy sets and a Go Pro camera are used effectively to create a dark ominous atmosphere. The movie fails in the way that the characters respond to certain situations, but if they made smart decisions and walked away from danger it wouldn’t be a horror movie.

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Therapy (2016)

31 Nights of Horror VII, Night 28: Revenge

31 Nights of Horror VII, Night 28: Revenge

Three sentence review:

This year women all around the country decided that we’ve had it with predatory men remaining in power. Revenge is horror’s perfect complement to this movement and it feels ferocious, like a hot tin beer can cauterizing its logo onto wounded flesh. Resilience and anger go the distance in this brilliant film about a woman who, like many others this year, overcomes enormous obstacles to fight back.

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31 Nights of Horror VII, Night 27: John Carpenter’s “The Thing”

31 Nights of Horror VII, Night 27: The Thing (1982)

Three sentence review:

I looked back on all of the movies I’ve featured over the years and could not find John Carpenter’s The Thing. That is a damn shame, because it’s undeniably one of the greatest horror movies of all time. Not just because of the (iconic/legendary/GOAT) special effects either; the claustrophobic, dire environment that Mr. Carpenter created is as terrifying as it was in 1982.

31 Nights of Horror VII, Night 26: Your 2018 Halloween Party Playlist

It’s Halloweekend! If you’re throwing a spooky shindig this weekend it’s time to put together your Halloween playlist. Don’t worry, I’m here to help with a list of songs that will be sure to satisfy traditionalists, weirdos, and those damn hipster elitists. Have fun my ghouls and goblins!

Your 2018 Halloween Playlist:

1. “Wicked Ones” – Dorothy

Because you want to set the tone for the evening without being too literal. “This night ain’t for the faint of heart…”

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AW4vejDcVe8

2. “Skully Gully” – Bobby “Boris” Pickett

I always recommend this classic as a fantastic alternative to The Monster Mash. It’s on theme and catchy.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=f8BW76mVv5o

3. “The Boogie Monster” – Gnarls Barkley

A creepy cool jam perfect for all of that awkward “catching up” conversation while you guzzle down your first couple of drinks

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oFzM7DJ9nFw

4. “Monster Moves” Koo Koo Kanga Roo

If LMFAO ever released a Halloween party anthem, this would be it. Good transition into a dance party or party game.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GxKb_VHCYdc

5. “Time Warp” – Rocky Horror Picture Show

Because if people weren’t dancing yet, now they will be.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-w0WPkB3XJ4

6. “Calling All The Monsters” – China Anne McClain

So what if it’s from Disney. Time for shots!! Bust out your skeleton arm shot glass holder and pass em out. What, everyone doesn’t have one of those?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XpoVbmx1qYU

7. “Tear You Apart” – She Wants Revenge

If anyone watched American Horror Story: Hotel, they’ll be excited.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ixw_bLVUL34

8. “Ghost Town” – The Specials

If your state has legalized weed – or maybe if it hasn’t – this is the song for passing out party favors.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RZ2oXzrnti4

9. “The Creep” – The Lonely Island

Or alternatively, “Werewolf Bar Mitzvah” for some comic relief.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tLPZmPaHme0

10. Your Favorite Rob Zombie Song

Don’t overdo the playlist with Rob Zombie, but definitely choose your one or two favorites. But if you choose “Superbeast” then you are required to play “Call of the Zombie” before it.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mG3iUfsLefY

11. “This is Halloween” – Marilyn Manson

One more for the traditionalists.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jU6iP0WLsU8

12. “Halloweenhead” – Ryan Adams

OMG the kinda cute introvert wearing a “this is my costume” T-shirt will actually like a song.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qvw7KZjfLtU

13. “The Crypt Jam” – Tales From the Crypt

Anyone born in the 80s or early 90s will LOVE this homage to the Cryptkeeper.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rv4RDx5TSrs

14. “Halloween” – Aqua

Yes, the band who made “Barbie Girl” made a Halloween song. It’s delightfully tacky.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gRr4TMqawu8

15. “Zombie Jamboree” – Harry Belafonte

❤️❤️❤️❤️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♂️

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RdRI2Y8fGcI

16. “Nature Trail to Hell” – Weird Al Yankovic

If anyone doesn’t like Weird Al, you don’t want them at your party.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LWME4d1BRCk

17. “Mr. Crowley” – Ozzy Osbourne

The prince of darkness has to make one appearance right?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vDVLMS_Yhe4

18. “She Wolf” – Shakira

One for my ladies.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=booKP974B0k

19. “Scream” – Michael and Janet Jackson

BANGERRRR

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0P4A1K4lXDo

20. “Monster” – Kanye West

Dance all niiiiight!

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pmEk0ZMhva4

21. “Are you ready for Freddy?” – Fat Boys

In the same vein as “The Crypt Jam”

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XDUl5Ke5jbM

31 Nights of Horror VII, Night 25: Halloween (2018)

Halloween met my expectations. I enjoyed the parts that clearly respected the original, such as the nice balance between gore and implied kills. I liked Michael’s look and the music was amazing.

I’m not sure about the new Doctor Loomis and the direction his character took. I’m also unclear if Michael was even out to get Laurie. In “Rue Morgue” magazine, David Gordon Green talked about disassociating Michael from being Laurie’s brother, that it was scarier to imagine Michael Myers as this random psychopath. That’s why I’m uncertain about the connection to Laurie in this one. Michael was killing everyone in his path throughout the film. He was brought to Laurie’s house, he was never seeking it out.

The new Halloween wasn’t perfect but I wasn’t expecting or hoping for it to be. What I loved was seeing it with my parents and brother and listening to their reactions:

My dad: “I was entertained”

My mom: “I am desensitized. It was too predictable for me.”

My brother: laughing out loud at the reactions of the police in the film (he’s a police officer himself)

That’s what great about horror. Coming together in a theater to laugh or feel scared. In that sense, it hit the mark.

31 Nights of Horror VII, Night 24: Downrange

31 Nights of Horror VII, Night 24: Downrange

Three sentence review:

Downrange is currently on Shudder and it’s one of the best no frills survival horror movies I’ve seen in a while. The premise feels fresh; a group of friends are on a road trip together when their tire blows out and are soon after stalked by a sniper in the hills. The majority of the movie is filmed in daylight and I think that adds a realistic scariness to the already dire situation.

31 Nights of Horror VII, Night 23: Basket Case

31 Nights of Horror VII, Night 23: Basket Case

Three sentence review:

If you’re like me and grew up with brothers, it’s time to thank them for not being murderous mutants who make you carry them around in a basket as you both seek revenge on the doctors who separated you! Basket Case sort of sums up the weirdness of New York City in the 1980s where perhaps even a deformed twin monster living in the apartment below you wasn’t the weirdest thing you saw all day. I love the special effects in this movie and I’m so happy that a Belial Christmas ornament exists (which will for sure be on my tree this year).