31 Nights of Horror VIII, Night 3: SAW II

31 Nights of Horror VIII, Night 3: Saw II

Three sentence review:

This is a SAW II appreciation post. Not only did it jumpstart Donny Wahlberg’s comeback, it also stars Diz from Starship Troopers and friggin’ BEVERLY MITCHELL from Seventh Heaven (Rev. Camden is the real villain, amirite?) Sure, it’s not as groundbreaking as the original but it’s my favorite sequel of the franchise and I will watch a thousand SAW movies if they keep making them.

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[ SAW II POSTER ]

31 Nights of Horror VIII, Night 2: Slumber Party Massacre 2

31 Nights of Horror VIII, Night 2: Slumber Party Massacre 2

Three sentence review:

The original Slumber Party Massacre is an excellent choice if you want good 80’s cheese. The sequel just goes completely off the rails and into outer space with kookiness. For some (amazing) reason, the first installment’s Driller Killer has evolved into an 80s metal head character whose murder weapon is an electric guitar with a drill attached and includes a bonkers musical number- and yes, I absolutely LOVE IT.

31 Nights of Horror VIII, Night 1: Haunt

31 Nights of Horror VIII, Night 1: Haunt

Three sentence review:

I’ve seen a lot of buzz over the last few weeks about an Eli Roth produced haunted-house-gone-wrong story called Haunt. I shelled out $5 via On Demand to give it a watch and gotta say it was as fun as everyone has been saying! Don’t let hype ruin it for you – it’s not anything mind blowing – but it’s entertaining and will satisfy fans of modern slashers and anyone who has ever wondered what would happen if a Halloween haunted house went awry.

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Su-Su-Spiria

It’s true: I’ve been singing Su-Su-Spiria to the tune of Sussudio for the last few days. It’s so damn catchy, and a fun reminder of American Psycho. That’s never a bad thing.

But that’s not what we’re here to discuss. I am PUMPED to see the new Suspiria TONIGHT! Why do I feel like this movie has flown a little bit under the radar? Have promotional efforts been overshadowed by the new Halloween? Do not enough people love the original? Is it because it was released after October 31st? Whatever the reason, nothing has deterred my enthusiasm.

Like most people, I try to avoid hype. It ruined Shutter Island and The Strangers for me. Hype sucks. Unfortunately, I couldn’t avoid the initial reactions to Suspiria from attendees of Fantastic Fest. EW called the audience reactions “orgasmic”. Will it actually be a decent remake? I’m cautiously optimistic and going into the film with an open mind and no expectations. I will update this post later tonight with my usual bite-sized review.

UPDATE 11/9/18: The Review:

I was ambitious in stating I would have a review of Suspiria posted on the same night I saw it. It is a HEAVY movie. It felt like eating a six course meal with wine pairings. Like a giant, ostentatious necklace worn over a dress made of drapery fabric. I needed time to digest it. My immediate reaction was that Tilda Swinton is outstanding (in both of her roles!) The set design and costumes are spectacular. As I was watching I felt immersed in the set, like I was in the dance academy building. Like the original, this version felt like watching a dream. Unlike the original, it is not vivid. At all. It’s bleak the whole way through. And girl, it’s pretentious. This movie screams that it went to NYU and had life changing experiences while studying abroad. That’s okay – I can overlook pretentiousness if there’s substance.

The dance sequences are dazzling, but I know jack shit about dance technique and they could very well suck to a trained eye. I have NO idea how the Holocaust or other references to political terrorism ties into this story, and the final scene still confuses me. Why does this Suspiria have to live in a world that’s bigger than it? I’m not sure, but it’s why the movie is 153 minutes long. The feminist in me loves that men exist in Suspiria exclusively to be fucked with. That’s awesome. If you haven’t seen it yet, stop reading. Now. If you have seen it, then I know you loved the cameo by Jessica Harper! That was a fun little surprise, and she was wonderful. I’m not exactly sure if I liked Suspiria or not, but I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s meaty, gaudy, beautiful, and douchey. I’ll be sitting with this one for a while, and may update this review periodically haha.

See Suspiria (1977) On the Big Screen With GOBLIN Perfoming Live Soundtrack!

If you live in Richmond, VA and you have never seen the original Suspiria, you have the perfect opportunity to see it on the big screen at the legendary Byrd Theater on December 7th. Need an incentive? Mother. Fucking. GOBLIN. will be at this screening PLAYING THE SOUNDTRACK TO THE MOVIE (Read: this is a big deal). Get your tickets HERE before they sell out.

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31 Nights of Horror VII, Night 31: Trick ‘r Treat

UNLucky year 7 has officially ended! But let me be honest, it WAS a lucky October indeed! I saw my brother and his family in Charleston, SC where I also got to see a badass Halloween mural and explore Boone Hall Fright Nights. I stood with one of my best gal pals as she married the love of her life in Louisville. I hosted the best Witches Night Out to date with my best buds. I got to be a guest on the second best podcast in Richmond!! It’s been a frightfully fun October!

As always we end with Trick ‘r Treat. This year’s post is dedicated to Anna Paquin, our favorite little red riding hood werewolf (the irony is not lost on me). She got to lose her werewolf virginity by devouring a dumbass who attacker her in an alley. HOW BOUT DAT TOWN HALLOWEEN STREET PARTY THO.

31 Nights of Horror VII, Night 30: Pieces

31 Nights of Horror VII, Night 30: Pieces

Three sentence review:

If you’ve been following this year’s 31 Nights of Horror closely you may have rightly suspected that I watched the shit out of Joe Bob Brigg’s “The Last Drive In”. Pieces was shown during the event but I swear I watched it for the first time just a couple weeks before “The Last Drive In” aired, and was so excited when I got to watch it again. The movie is insane (random Kung fu?!) but the gore is great and the ending gives Sleepaway Camp a run for its money.

31 Nights of Horror VII, Night 29: Therapy

It’s French, it’s low budget, it’s found-footage style, and it’s not bad. Masks, creepy sets and a Go Pro camera are used effectively to create a dark ominous atmosphere. The movie fails in the way that the characters respond to certain situations, but if they made smart decisions and walked away from danger it wouldn’t be a horror movie.

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Therapy (2016)