Category: Uncategorized

31 Nights of Horror, Night 15: It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

Slightly more than three sentence review:

Dear Great Pumpkin: why does Lucy have to be such a horrible, doodoo brained BULLY? “Oh, har har, Charlie Brown, I’m sorry I fooled you with the football trick for the gazillionth freaking time EVEN AFTER signing this contract that says I wouldn’t. The thing about signed documents is that this one wasn’t notarized tehehe”. LUCY, YOU SUCK! Taylor Swift wrote “Mean” about YOU!

LINUS VON PELT IF YOU BELIEVE IN THE GREAT PUMPKIN THEN THE GREAT PUMPKIN IS REAL, MY LITTLE BLANKET WIELDING BUDDY. DON’T EVER LET THAT STINKY FACE, BUTTHEAD SISTER OF YOURS TELL YOU OTHERWISE! (Sally + Linus forever.)

During Trick-or-Treating Charlie Brown gets a rock instead of candy and I literally snickerdoodle my candy corn pants with laughter. A ROCK. The ultimate Halloween tom-foolery! Meanwhile Snoopy is suffering from some serious night terrors in this episode, having vivid flashbacks of World War 1 during a children’s Halloween party. Then someone tells Lucy that she has the perfect mouth to win the bobbing for apples party game which I suspect is a similar sentiment she later heard at the Sophomore year Homecoming dance. Lucy makes out with Snoopy, briefly.

Schroeder pulls a David Foster and forces all of the party guests to listen to him play a spirited rendition of some song that seems appropriate for an 1800s gambling parlor. He does not let them talk or sing. FINALLY, the Great Pumpkin arises from its throne in the patch. About fucking time, Charles Schultz. Alas, it is only Snoopy, still manic from vivid flashbacks of the Battle of Liege.  Lucy slightly redeems her awfulness by being a good sister for like 0.1 seconds but she’s still a scab eating fart smeller. Then Charlie Brown ponders the meaning of life while Linus rambles about the Great Pumpkin like an over served regular at the Chili’s down the road that’s going out of business. You Blockhead!

31 Nights of Horror, Night 8: Lake Mungo

Three sentences review:

Lake Mungo is a 2008 horror mockumentary out of Australia that has a 93% critics approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes and a slew of 10/10 user ratings on IMDB, which leaves me asking “did I miss something?” The first hour of this movie – and the entire film is less than 90 minutes – is unbearably boring and slow. If you’ve seen Lake Mungo and loved it please tell me if I should give it another chance or possibly seek medication for ADHD; I hated it so much that I’m not even going to bother summarizing the plot here.

31 Nights of Horror, Night 7: You’re Next

Three sentences review:

You’re Next is the perfect movie to watch right after you finish House of the Devil to truly begin appreciating the troupe of horror directors and actors whose style of horror has been dubbed “mumblegore”. You’re Next is directed by Adam Wingard and stars the BAD ASS Sharni Vinson plus all of the mumblegore regulars: AJ Bowen (The Sacrament, House of the Devil), Joe Swanberg (The Sacrament), Amy Seimetz (The Sacrament) and my new favorite director Ti West (The Sacrament, House of the Devil). You’re Next is a fast, funny, and scary addition to the home invasion sub-genre and a horror flick you can watch multiple times; it will be one to show my grandkids to showcase the “good ol days” of scary movie making.

31 Nights of Horror, Night 6: House of the Devil

Full disclosure: I’m barhopping in Nashville and a little hammered.

Three sentences review:

House of the Devil is the second Ti West entry in the 2014 edition of 31 Nights of Horror and I’m including it here because it is in my Top 5 of all time list; I love it. Director Ti West is an expert in pacing and building a sense of dread and this movie is his prime example. A broke college student takes a babysitting job out of financial necessity and quickly realizes she’s in for more than she can handle… It’s retro and fucking awesome… Watch it!!!

31 Nights of Horror, Night 5: Oculus

Fair warning… I’m traveling for work and typing on my iPhone so forgive my brevity and errors.

Three sentences review:

I’ve been more freaked out by mirrors reflecting my own face (especially after a long night of drinking) than the “evil” mirror featured in Oculus. The plot follows a brother and sister who reunite after 10 years (the brother spent the decade in a mental hospital, the sister is the girl from “Selfie”) and film themselves trying to prove that an old mirror killed their parents because it possessed their father. The mirror gets its strength from house plants and puppies which clues you into the level of ridiculousness but it stars Rory Cochrane so at least you get to recite some quotes from Empire Records in your head.

There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man’s fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call the 31 Nights of Horror.

It’s one week away from 31 Nights of Horror 2014! If you’re new to Katie Loves Horror, welcome! Sorry I’m not sorry for my very dumb blog title.

Starting October 1, you’ll get a fresh review from some well known, obscure, foreign, family friendly, and/or totally cheesy horror films.  AKA my most favoritest film genre of any dimension. Here’s how it works:

• I watch a movie. It might be one you’ve seen 1,000 times. It might be one you’ve never heard of.  It might be really bizarre, gory, disturbing. It might be an episode of the Walking Dead. There’s a good chance I’ll involve Disney movies.  There’s zero chance of sparkly vampires.
• I’ll write a three sentence review about it.  That’s it.  None of this “Pitchfork” style full-page, flowery language like here.  “paranoid sawtooth synths” I mean what?! (OKAY – I love Pitchfork. But their reviews make me giggle a little. Also – Yeezus,man.)
• You comment and tell me what you think. Or what your favorite horror related media might be.  Or what you suggest. Or maybe I’ll ask… DISCUSSION QUESTIONS!!!
• Maybe I’ll throw in some bonus features like Halloween recipes or decorating tips or scary music videos.  Maybe I won’t.

And that’s it! I ain’t no professional film critic, just a super fan of horror. Play along, give me some love in the comments section, and join me in this epic journey to the beyond. Y’all enjoy now, ya hear?

Next stop, 31 Nights of Horror!

-Katie

You might be asking “Why?” to which I respond, “Why not?”

1. The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas Chainsaw Massacre

2. Bloody Mary Poppins

3. Return to Horror High School Musical

4. Freak Friday the 13th (Okay, not a musical.)

5. ABBAPOCALYPSE

6. The King and I Know What You Did Last Summer

What else ya got?

We have some work to do, Virginia. What movie represents your state?