Viva La Mumblegore

I am so obsessed with this article about my favorite horror troupe (Wingard, Bowen, Swanberg, Seimetz, West, etc) and their journey to becoming well respected modern horror directors, writers, and actors. This is a must read for anyone who wants to save horror. 

Just the motivation I need to quit my job and devote 100% of my time to creating ridiculous horror stories. My first idea? A werewolf musical that exclusively parodies ABBA songs called ABBAPOCALYPSE.

“So when you fight me, darling please don’t bite me, S.O.S.!”  



The Purge: Anarchy

Bullet proof cars. Revenge. Wall street justice. Eighteen wheelers with giant machine guns. Government conspiracies. What else do you people want from a sequel?

I exited the movie theater after watching The Purge: Anarchy with one overarching thought: “This is a franchise.”

The sequel to The Purge delivered much of what I hoped for in its predecessor. Instead of focusing on one family’s struggle during the annual purge, I got to see a glimpse of what’s going down in the streets. And shit is going down in the streets. 

When I watch a horror flick I want to laugh, feel nervous, and lose myself in an alternate reality. The Purge: Anarchy was deeply satisfying.

Yes, there were moments when I wanted to strangle some of the characters for their stupidity. There were scenes with a little too much dialogue. And, of course, there is the obvious implication that no one in their right mind would be at work or out buying groceries two hours before commencement of the annual purge. But as I always say, this is horror. We forgive implausible situations because as horror fans we choose to accept the impossible.

I truly hope they keep cranking out more sequels because the concept is fresh and the possibilities are infinite. How would you purge? I’d be breaking all sorts of frivolous laws like cutting off mattress tags before they’re bought. Because I’m a rebel.

Ti West Is On To Something, Y’all…

Horror nerds, we are observing the creation of our generation’s horror auteur without recognizing it enough. Ti West is on to something, y’all. A master of pacing and building dread, West has consistently delivered and exceeded my expectations in all of his films. ****WARNING – minor spoilers ahead.**** Let us consider:

1. House of the Devil (2009) – Holy. Santa Claus shit. This movie rules. IMMEDIATELY we feel like we’re in 1981. Not just from the clothes, hair, cars, and soundtrack, but from the cinematography, opening credits, and dialogue. There’s a real “Suspiria” vibe from this flick and I absolutely love it. Truly a must watch.

2. The Innkeepers (2011) – Okay, it’s a little hokey. The ghost isn’t really that terrifying. But it’s FUN and that’s what ghost stories are supposed to make you experience; that constant shift between nervous excitement and terror. I really enjoy haunted house/hotel films so maybe I’m biased, but I had a great time watching the Innkeepers.

3. Second Honeymoon (Segment in V/H/S) (2012) – West’s short feature in V/H/S is REALISTIC. That’s what makes Second Honeymoon so terrifying. I feel almost inappropriate watching this, like I’m some sick voyeur watching this couple on their vacation.

I know he’s done stuff pre 2009 and I have not yet seen The Sacrament. I’m giddy about what he’ll deliver next and by golly I just want to be part of the Ti West/Joe Swanberg/Adam Wingard/AJ Bowen horror troupe. DID YOU READ THAT? IT’S 2014, FOLKS, AND WE’VE GOT A HORROR TROUPE. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence)

Tom Six is one good lookin’ psycho. The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence) is a satisfying ‘fuck you’ to anyone who called the first sequence a tame movie. “Whatever, it wasn’t that shocking,” you may have heard some tough guy say after watching The Human Centipede (First Sequence). Tom Six was like, “Bro – I’m just getting started.” Then he made The Human Centipede 2 and we all threw up and apologized for challenging him.

Martin Lomax, played brilliantly by Laurence R. Harvey, makes Billy Loomis look like a casual movie fan. To say that Martin is a fan of the Human Centipede is the understatement of the century. It turns him on. He masturbates while watching it. He is pathologically obsessed with the film. So obsessed that he makes it his life’s mission to recreate the entire movie – and multiply the human centipede by four.

Poor Martin lives at home with his ghastly, suicidal mom and his pet centipede. Martin struggles with asthma and the emotional scarring from the hands of his sexually abusive dad and equally perverted therapist, Dr. Sebring. He works in a parking garage. (Pro-tip: If you sense that there is anything else happening in a parking garage other than parking cars, you need to get the F out of there.) Martin finds solace from his dysfunctional reality by clubbing people with a crowbar and tying them up in his warehouse from hell. His goal? Yep, you guessed it. Re-create the human centipede. Except, for real this time, not just in a movie (but still in a movie….HORROR INCEPTION!!!!) Martin somehow even lures one of the actresses from the original Human Centipede movie to come to London under the impression that she’s auditioning for a new Quentin Tarantino movie. Turns out she’s auditioning to be the lead human in the human centipede. And let’s be honest with ourselves, if we’re going to be anyone in the human centipede, we want to be the first human.

Because when you’re not the first human in the human centipede, there’s a whole lot of bum in your mouth.

When Martin collects all of his victims, he begins his procedure. The key differences between Martin and Dr. Josef Heiter, the lunatic doctor from The Human Centipede, are:

A.) Martin is a psychopath and Dr. Josef Heiter was a psychopath, but also a professional surgeon. Martin is not a professional surgeon by any stretch of the imagination.

B.) Martin uses old, rusty tools and Dr. Heiter had professionally sterilized medical equipment.

C.) Martin wants to make a 12 person centipede, Dr. Heiter only used 3 people (what an amateur, AMIRIGHT?)

Martin is a CREEPY looking dude. He’s more deranged and brutal to his victims than the dear old doctor. He is sexually aroused by what he’s doing. He giggles throughout his monstrosities. He is a David Berkowitz level psychopath.

Martin Lomax <3<3<3

The Human Centipede 2 is certainly nothing more than a depraved, shocking movie that glorifies human suffering. It is watching a horrible car wreck in movie form. It’s not A Serbian Film level awful, but it touches the line of “why the hell am I watching this shit?” (Literally.) The black and white imagery of the film adds to the awfulness of what’s happening. Martin’s warehouse looks scarier. His eyes look emptier. The scenes stay with us longer. Director Tom Six accomplishes a lot without using any color.

Best part of this movie? Casting Laurence R. Harvey. What a truly haunting performance.

Worst part of this movie? Literally EVERYTHING that happens.

Question I’m still wondering: What the heck happened to the pregnant woman? Though we do know what happened to her baby.

Six has completed the third and final installment of the Human Centipede which is set to release sometime in 2014. He says that the final sequence will not be anywhere near as gross as the first two movies, but definitely the most controversial. The reported tagline is “100% politically incorrect.” Laurence Harvey returns as a different character, and so does Dieter Laser who played Dr. Josef Heiter in the first movie (also a different character.) Six will also star in the movie along with Eric Roberts. The third movie is set in a US prison somewhere in the desert. Beyond that, we don’t know much. I do know that I will be eagerly awaiting its release!

The first released photo from The Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence)

Stage Fright Puts the Death in Death Metal

Is anyone else super excited about the upcoming horror movie Stage Fright? As a fan of campy horror with unique premises, the summary of this movie fills me with pure joy:

“… teenager Camilla Swanson, a starry-eyed kitchen hand, lands herself a role in the Broadway-bound showcase at the musical theater camp where she works, but just when rehearsals begin, blood starts to spill. The camp is being terrorized by “Metal Killer”, a masked slasher who screams death metal rock while hunting down every last pretentious cast member of the show.”

Broadway? Theater camp? Death metal? Slasher flick?



Stage Fright will be released April 3rd on VOD and limited theatrical release on May 9th.

Note: Stage Fright is not a remake of the 1987 horror film with the same name.

The Purge: Anarchy Trailer

Who saw the new trailer for The Purge: Anarchy during last night’s The Walking Dead season finale? What did you think? I reviewed The Purge in October and thought it was a victim of a fantastic concept but lackluster execution. Will the sequel fine tune the concept or fall flat? What do you think?

One of my immediate reactions was the bidding wars reminded me of Hostel! Anyone else?




Quick Review: Hemlock Grove

I highly recommend that you pick any upcoming weekend or free time to binge REAL HARD on Eli Roth’s insanely addictive horror series “Hemlock Grove”. Available on Netflix, Hemlock Grove is a town shrouded in mystery and a twisted past. The show follows the friendship of Peter Rumancek and Roman Godfrey as they try to track down who (or what) is responsible for horrific killings that have shocked the town. But Peter and Roman have their own dark secrets, too.

The show is well written and entertaining enough to satisfy non-horror fans. I was particularly enthralled by the performances in this series. Not once did I become bored with the characters which speaks to the quality of acting. For horror fans like myself, Hemlock Grove shines in its moments of weirdness, depravity, gore, and some fucking awesome werewolf transformations.

Hemlock Grove is based on a novel by Brian McGreevy. Production of season 2 has completed, but no release date has been announced. I also recommend the soundtrack which is available on Spotify.

Is that gory enough for those of you who think you’re getting into something Twilight-y?