Night 3, Repo! The Genetic Opera

31 Nights of Horror, Night 3: Repo! The Genetic Opera

Three Sentence Review:

Repo! The Genetic Opera is a dazzling, bizarre, gory, fantastic sci-fi/horror-rock opera starring horror-icon Bill Moseley, Broadway star Sarah Brightman,  Paul Sorvino (Goodfellas, Law and Order) Paris Hilton, Alexa Vega, and a bevy of other delightfully offbeat performers.  In 2056, following an epidemic of organ failures, the colossal corporation “GeneCo” offers financing for “designer” body parts, organ transplants, facial reconstruction, and also manufactures a highly addictive pain killer to promote multiple surgeries – but if you fail to make your payments, your purchases (i.e. kidneys, heart, spinal cord) will be repossessed by the terrifying “Repo-man”.   The songs, singing, and scenery in this film (despite heavy CGI) are absolutely beautiful, and the characters are unforgettable; if you love Moulin Rouge, Saw, and Rocky Horror Picture Show this is a MUST see.

Repo Man will find you
Sarah Brightman as Blind Mag – an entertainer enslaved to “GeneCo”

‘Cause no one messes with GeneCo,


Night 2: World War Z

31 Nights of Horror, Night 2: World War Z.

Three sentence review:

Back in 2012, right as the zombie apocalypse thing was starting to get too cool, Hollywood knew they needed to release something to capitalize on America’s fascination with the living dead – and World War Z (to me) is that release. Watching World War Z felt like I was playing Left 4 Dead; each scene mirrored a new level I had to complete, (i.e. the “Clear B-Wing” scene) and at times you can see the unfortunate impact of lots-a-movie-makin-drama.  Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy blockbusters and I liked World War Z in the same, mindless way I enjoyed 2012 (meh), but if you’re expecting anything close to Max Brooks’ novel of the same name, or a film on par with 28 Days Later, Contagion, or other “apocalyptic virus” movies, you might be disappointed.

Read the book.
My thoughts exactly.

Night 1: The Silence of the Lambs

IT’S OCTOBER 1! The time is now! 31 Nights of Horror has begun! 

Here goes nothing…

31 Nights of Horror, Night 1: The Silence of the Lambs.

Hello, Clarice.

Three (run-on) sentence review:

Some people don’t consider  Jonathan Demme’s masterpiece The Silence of the Lambs a horror flick because it won the “Best Picture” Oscar in 1992; horror movies don’t win those, right? Anthony Hopkin’s masterful portrayal of the AWESOME Dr. Hannibal Lecter was based on the character from Thomas Harris’ 1981 novel, “Red Dragon” (which was the first in the Hannibal trilogy),  but did you know that Buffalo Bill was based on a real serial killer/known human-skin-collector in Wisconsin named Ed Gein?  Dr. Lecter is the obvious star of this franchise (and one of the most complex characters in cinema history), so after you read the trilogy and watch the films, check out NBC’s new series “Hannibal” on Netflix; it’s the darkest show on television – bar none.

Notorious American psychopath, Ed Gein. I drove through Plainfield, WI in 2011 to see where it all went down. Ed Gein’s true-life atrocities inspired Buffalo Bill, Norman Bates, and Leatherface.
A super cute .gif from NBC’s Hannibal. Yep, that’s a human cello. Told you it was dark.

It rubs the lotion on its skin,


Brilliant Scenes in Horror History

A movie is a sequence of scenes.  A scene is a narrative of its own.  What are the best creepy movie scenes?

Here are my favorites:

1. The Holocaust flashback scene in Shutter Island:  The minute Leo and Mark Ruffalo walk into Sir Ben Kingsley’s office I get the chills.  It’s the lighting, the blood red tones, the dark wood, the tense dialogue. Mahler is playing.  It’s brilliantly perfect for this scene.  The gory flashbacks help, too.

2.  The human torso in “Freaks” – if you’ve never seen the movie, “Freaks” you need to drop everything you’re doing and watch it.  It’s from 1932.  They used real carnival sideshow acts as actors.  One of the actors was “the human torso”.  In this particular scene, the human torso is under a boxcar, crawling through mud, and wielding a knife between his teeth.  His goal is to kill.  He’s probably under your bed.

3. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory Boat Ride:  Full disclosure: I don’t like bugs.  The crazy, LSD fueled boat scene in Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory still gives me nightmares.   Shouting insane poetry, centipedes, chickens being decapitated. It’s a kids movie, right?

3. “The Thing” – Wilford Brimley gets it.   I happen to think John Carpenter’s “The Thing” is one of the greatest horror movies of all time.  I believe with all my heart that CGI was the worst thing for horror.  Animatronics is where it’s at.  And “The Thing” (along with An American Werewolf in London) does it the best.  In this scene, Wilford Brimley’s character, Dr. Blair, has to use a chest defibrillator.  Horror ensues.  Diabeetus can’t be worse than this, right?

4. Seven – He ain’t dead.  Seven is awesome for many reasons.  One of my favorite things about it is the opening scene that incorporates a remix of Nine Inch Nail’s “Closer” but the scariest scene is in the “sloth” section of the film.  Enjoy.

I’ll add more when I’m not consumed with wine and hookah.

5. Three Extremes – What’s the secret ingredient?  – Okay, everyone in Asia, I get it. Y’all are seriously the masters of modern horror.  I remember watching “Three Extremes” for the first time in the basement of my Ballston townhome (God, I hated my roommate Tim but that’s a different story.)  This movie is insane. It’s three short stories.  “Dumplings”  – one of the three stories – was actually made into a full-length feature that I plan on watching this year. Anyway, I felt so genuinely disturbed by this short that I wonder if the full fledged version will do the same for me.  Basically, a woman consults a very unusual “holistic healer” for the secret to the fountain of youth.  In this scene, the woman and the “healer” discuss the health benefits of dumplings. But what’s the secret ingredient?

I’ll be right back,


I Will Eat Your Soul

If you’re new to this blog, start here.

Music videos are a medium to share a poignant story, artistic vision, lots of big ol’ booties, or Canadian Tuxedos.

But some artists use them to scare the living daylights out of us.  The creepiest music video I’ve ever seen is – by far – Aphex Twin’s Come to Daddy.


The lyrics: “I want your soul. I will eat your soul.”  Okay.

The little people.  Not because they’re little people. Little people are generally wonderful.  Because they’re little people in masks and dresses hell bent on tearing shit up and possibly going Jimmy Hoffa on your knees with those sticks.

The old woman. I’m so scared for her.  Is she okay? Did her dog survive? Does she have “life alert?”

Absolutely everything that’s happening from 3:50 – 4:38.

Hope he had a mint or something.

Honorable mentions:

1. Rubber Johnny   Also by Aphex Twin.  Good luck watching this one.  Might be scarier than “Come to Daddy” but Rubber Johnny just kind of reminds me of the martians from “Mars Attacks”.

2. If I Had A Heart by Fever Ray.  The fact that the song is awesome is just a bonus.

3. We Are Water by Health.  Gore and slasher film fans will love this one.

4. Peacebone by Animal Collective.  Pause at 3:12 for a good time.

5. Adicolor: “Black”.  Not a music video but really deserves to be on this list.  A panda plays Russian roulette with a fish.  Delightfully horrifying. Don’t miss this one.

6.The Sweetest Kill – Broken Social Scene.  Indie music meets Patrick Bateman.

What did I leave out? What are your favorites?  Send me some from back in the day, like “They’re coming to take me away” 

You’re gonna need a bigger boat,


Hello, readers. I want to play a game.

Rise and shine, readers.  You’re probably wondering where you are. I’ll tell you where you might be. You might be on the blog you die in (I mean, from awesomeness). Up until now you simply sat in the shadows watching others live out their lives. But what do voyeurs see when they look into the mirror? Now, I see you as a strange mix of someone angry, yet apathetic. But mostly just pathetic. So are you going to watch yourself die today, readers, or do something about it?

Ok, I totally stole that from “Saw” but whatever.


Welcome to the 2013 31 Nights of Horror blog! [Applause].

Starting October 1 you’ll get a fresh review from some well known, obscure, foreign, family friendly, and/or totally cheesy horror films.  AKA my most favoritest genre of the entire solar system.

Horror fans unite!

Here’s how it works:

  • I watch a movie. It might be one you’ve seen 1,000 times. It might be one you’ve never heard of.  It might be really bizarre, gory, disturbing. It might be an episode of the Walking Dead. There’s a good chance I’ll involve Disney movies.  There’s zero chance of sparkly vampires.
  • I’ll write a three sentence review about it.  That’s it.  None of this “Pitchfork” style full-page, flowery language like here.  “paranoid sawtooth synths” I mean what?! (OKAY – I love Pitchfork. But their reviews make me giggle a little. Also – Yeezus, man.)
  • You comment and tell me what you think. Or what your favorite horror related media might be.  Or what you suggest. Or maybe I’ll ask… DISCUSSION QUESTIONS!!!
  • Maybe I’ll throw in some bonus features like Halloween recipes or decorating tips or scary music videos.  Maybe I won’t.
“Palmolive. It’s neither palm nor olive. Discuss”

And that’s it!  No, I’m not a professional film reviewer.  I took one film class in college.  I probably won’t be exploring themes and cultural implications and whatever people much smarter than me discuss. I just genuinely love horror movies and I’d like to share my passion with you. And hear about your favorites.

Seriously, y’all.  It’s nearly Halloween season and I can’t contain my excitement.  Join me on this epic journey through haunted houses, dark waters, slasher infested forests and whatever the hell is going on in “Audition”.

Horror fans, curious outsiders, friends and family of scary movie addicts, it’s time to come together!

We all go a little mad sometimes,