Carrie 2013: An Elegy

I watched Kimberly Peirce’s remake of Carrie¬†over the weekend. My reaction is best expressed through poem.

Carrie, Carrie

Quite Contrary

You ruled in ’76

Then some big director

tried to resurrect her

and it sucked a big bag of dicks

Sue and Kris were a great big miss

but Ms. Moore brought light to Ms. White

If you want a good gore fest

with Chloe Grace Moretz

stick to Kick Ass for a great fight

Sissy, sissy, we love you missy

and I even prefer the old mom

Your telekinesis scared us to pieces

and we’d much rather watch you at the prom!

I mean honestly, which image is more disturbing? CGM looks like she just got soaked while standing on the sidewalk by a drive by trucker who ran over a pond of pigs blood. Sissy Spacek looks like she’s about to CUT A BITCH!