Horror Fans Rule, Upcoming Horror

Let’s Talk About That “IT” Trailer…

…because it literally gave me chills. The day is finally here! Director Andy Muschietti tortured us via Instagram with images of numbered red balloons for the last several days. It didn’t take long for fans to decipher that it was a countdown to the release of the first teaser trailer for Muschietti’s upcoming adaptation of “IT”. We now finally have our first official look at Muschietti’s vision of Derry, ME and the Losers Club.

Watch it HERE:

As a faithful fan of Stephen King’s novel, I am eager to see how the full movie ends up. It will be an epic disappointment if the film panders to the high-school “jump scare horror” crowd. This fantastic first trailer gives me hope, but as we all know, too much “hype” can be a killer of movie dreams. Let’s take a deep breath and say a prayer to horror jesus that Muschietti respects the King. Nothing will top the book, but we don’t have to be complete assholes about our expectations. Let’s give “IT” a chance. Trailer looks phenomenal!

What did you think? Comment below!

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Horror Fans Rule, Uncategorized

I am Woman, Hear Me Horror

This February marks the 8th annual Women in Horror Month. I figured I should remind all one or two of my readers that I myself am, IN FACT, a lady horror fan. I recently watched the fantastic documentary Why Horror? which follows super fan and horror journalist Tal Zimerman as he explores the many reasons why people love the genre. “Horror journalist” sounds like a dream job. Tal also got to talk to a LOT of very cool people like George Romero and John Carpenter which fills me with stark raving jealousy.

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John Carpenter. *Swoon* Just LOOK at this sexy feathery hair/sweater combo!

An early part of the documentary investigates the reasons why seeing a horror movie is considered to be a great first date, presumably because it stimulates us and gives straight dudes an excuse to put their arms around a chick. A particularly obnoxious experiment in the documentary entails a woman who goes on dates with different guys and is instructed to have different reactions to a horror movie. The experiment found that (hetero) dudes perceive women who are afraid of the movie to be much more attractive than ladies who really dig the scares. They did the experiment in reverse and (hetero) women reported that they found it more attractive when a man didn’t seem fazed by the film. To which I kindly say FUCK THAT.

Women who love horror are the BEST dates, girlfriends, and wives. We are cool as shit. We can have thoughtful discussions about disembowelment! C’MON. On the flip side, dudes who have real reactions and genuine feelings are sexy as hell. I would rather laugh along at a ridiculous blood bath scene or share a jump scare together than be with someone who can’t show any emotion. Thankfully, my super awesome boyfriend supports my horror fandom and encourages the hell out of it.

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Bela Lugosi knows what’s up.

Luckily the documentary goes on to support girls who love gore and features a bevy of kick-ass women in horror, like the Soska Sisters, Barbara Crampton, and Karen Lam. These women, along with hundreds of others, are my soul sisters. Literally. I want to steal their souls like Shang Tsung.

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Karen Lam. I love a horror sister who can also rock a side bang and a great nude lip.

Like my fellow fans of fear, I love horror for many different reasons. I love the thrill of feeling scared. I love the creativity of the genre. I love gore and special makeup effects. I find it entertaining when people jump and gasp and clap and laugh at the theater. Plus, watching horror movies reminds me of growing up. Women can and do enjoy a good scary movie (or an awesomely bad Z movie like “Honky Holocaust“) just as much as men. I would put my passion for horror up against the mightiest meat(cleaver)head.

What you may not realize is that we are everywhere. Women who love horror are not always the goth girl next door – although those ladies are my heroes and they’re cool as shit, too! Lady horror fans are every type of woman. For example, I enjoy monogrammed sweatshirts and know way too much about most of the Real Housewives. Can’t believe it? Care to test my horror credibility? Bring it on and I’ll literally go toe-to-toe with any naysayer while simultaneously dismembering said toes one by one.

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When passions collide.

So this February, I first command you to learn and celebrate all you can about black history. If you’re white like me, I particularly challenge you to examine your privilege and to demand more diversity in horror. Support horror movies and books made by women, directors of color, and foreign artists. Fear is subjective and including diverse perspectives will only promote creativity within the genre, which is something that horror fans obviously crave.

Ernest Dickerson shouldn’t be the only black horror director in the game.

After you feel sufficiently ‘woke’ (ha), remember all of the bad ass ladies of horror this month. Love and thank your fiancee or sister or neighbor who lives for splatter and the macabre. We’ll probably be pretty handy to have around when the zombie apocalypse actually happens.

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horror, Horror Fans Rule

In Defense of Blair Witch (2016)

Horror fans, I have a request for you. I know it will be difficult, but all I’m asking is that you try. It’s time that we chill the flip out – just slightly.

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Horror fans are indisputably the most dedicated fans of any film genre. Just check out the message boards for the “Genre Zone” on IMDB.com. At the time of this posting, comedy has 769 posts dedicated to discussing the genre. Drama has 325 posts. People really seem to enjoy film noir, which has over 1,500 posts.

Horror? Horror has 34,697 posts. We are nerds, but dammit we are committed to the genre.  There’s no denying this. But we need to relax just a little bit. Our expectations as horror fans are through the skyscraper roof. It’s unlikely that any movie will scare you as much as that one legendary film that scared the living daylights out of you when you were a kid. We’re looking for that high. That thrill. That same spine-tingling sensation. It’s just not going to happen because we’re too desensitized and we’re really good at predicting the killer’s next move or the victims’ next dumb choice. We’ve watched a ton of movies, okay?

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I am not saying that we need to give a participation trophy to every fuckwit that wants to make a horror movie. We need to demand quality and innovation because otherwise this genre will not survive. We need to stay hungry for fresh talent and interesting points of view (or is it point of views?) We need to celebrate good storytelling and gnarly make-up effects.

But please – just give some of the stuff you considered “complete trash” a second look and give credit where credit’s due. My main gripe right now is with the fan response to the new Blair Witch. Yes, there are a lot of flaws. They should’ve used the drone more effectively, or at all. Why the fuck did that chick climb a tree? And what was that shit that got into her leg and what did it have to do with the story? And seriously, time warps?!

That being said, there’s some interesting film work happening here. Adam Wingard, our valiant mumblegore prince, manages to include some pretty intense and frightening stuff. There’s some great body horror visuals when Talia dies and when we finally get a glimpse of The Witch. If you’re the least bit claustrophobic, the tunnel scene works quite effectively. There’s also a lot of atmosphere going on here, folks. Lots of rain. Lots of darkness. Lots of screaming. When you take a deep breath and consider these efforts objectively, they are pretty good. Certainly not “Awful, abhorrent and wholly embarrassing for everyone involved” as one IMDB user stated.

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This is a stretch, but it’s not a dumpster fire.

As this post in the A.V. Club explains, Wingard wanted this to be a straightforward, jump-scare type horror movie. “It’s a movie that’s meant to be watched with a crowd,” he says. And I agree. In fact – and I know I may be in the minority here – watching horror films in a packed theater is one of my favorite things. This movie is exactly for that scenario.

There’s a lot to refute here, I know, because my writing style is lazy at best. But please, maybe ease up on the mainstream horror movies and try to focus on what’s working and where we can improve, not just complaining about what you think is utter crap.

Or maybe I should shut up and just let horror fans be horror fans. We are the dedicated-yet-salty curmudgeons of movie fans, after all. And proudly so.

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Your Average Horror Fan

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Horror Fans Rule, Upcoming Horror

The Green Inferno’s Delayed, Y’all.

So THIS is what Lana Del Rey meant by “Summertime Sadness.”  I’m looking forward to The Green Inferno whenever it’s finally released. Hemlock Grove is just not enough Eli Roth for me.

http://www.deadline.com/2014/08/worldview-woes-take-eli-roth-amazon-cannibal-tale-green-inferno-off-menu/

Guess I need to update my Outlook calendar with a big TBD.

 

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Horror Fans Rule

What’s the Worst Horror Movie Ever?

For me it’s Dark Water from 2005 but I think it’s because that movie punished me. I made my family come with me to see this and was relieved of my movie decision making duties for a good five years.

What do y’all think is the worst horror film of all time? Awesomely bad movies like Troll 2, etc don’t count!

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